Do you ever wake up from a dream and are convinced that everything you just saw was 100% real? You sit up, confused, and then the confusion turns to a whole bunch of other emotions you can’t control.
I don’t remember my dreams often, but the ones that I do are always sad or terrible in some way. My very vivid dreams often have a catastrophic effect on my mood the next day, solely because they feel extremely real.
Recently, I had a dream that had me fighting with myself not to lash out at my partner who was the antagonist in this dream that had me ready to burn down the world.
Imagine waking up and just going crazy at your partner for something they didn’t even do, as you can see it’s not adding up to a great situation.
The dream started with us at our “new” home and things were as they always are between us. A “friend” came to visit, and me being the trusting person that I am, told this friend and my boyfriend to go chill while I fix us something to snack on.
This is the part that had me going. In my dream, I hear loud music coming from one of the bedrooms, so as I’m coming down the passage I get to the room that has the music blaring from it, and the door is shut.
Opening the door, slowly, I walk into a scene that sent my heart right into my stomach both in my dream and in real life. Here, on my bed, are my boyfriend and my friend, with no clothes on, passionately kissing (like we don’t even kiss like this) and getting ready to get it on.
I dropped everything in my dream and burst into tears while hearing them try to explain what was happening while my boyfriend is in a sense begging me to understand how sorry he is for what I had just walked into.
Now I know it was only a dream, and that my partner isn’t cheating on me, but I cannot begin to describe the pain I felt, this was all real to me.
My brain hadn’t made the connection that it was simply a dream, and in the five seconds it took me to register, I had planned to give my partner a mouthful, and then pack my things and leave.
Not only did I wake up in a terrible mood but my anxiety had my heart racing, and my stomach turning like it had all really taken place.
Being cheated on is honestly one of my biggest fears, I’m sure it’s the same for many, and even though I hadn’t thought about my partner cheating or even about my friend that day, somehow my brain still managed to create this shitshow that unfolded before my eyes.
I’m glad it wasn’t real, but the pain I felt in my dream was very real and at the end of the day, I was the one that broke my heart.
Sometimes, I believe that I’m cursed, just like in the medieval days. It sounds a bit silly when I say it out loud, but it feels like no matter how hard I try to be kind or helpful, it’s never enough. All that’s left for me to do is remove an arm or a leg and give it to someone in need of an arm or a leg. And I’m not even sure why someone would need either, but you understand where I’m going with this.
I will admit that I’m sometimes not the greatest person to be around and there are times when I’m not all that helpful, but it’s not like I don’t feel terrible for not helping when I can’t. Life gets in my way sometimes and I get lost in a world of my own.
People don’t understand though, and I feel like no matter how much I do, instead of hearing, “Thank you for trying”, I only hear complains and unhappiness.
When I’m in these situations, all I can think is, “I’m never like this to people, why are people like this to me?” It’s something I can’t wrap my head around, I will never say something shitty to someone and make them feel like a turd for the rest of their life. I think about what I want to say so that it won’t hurt someone or mess with their mental health issues further.
I was in a seven-year relationship where I was emotionally abused, so I get it, you don’t do it.
That’s why I feel cursed, I’m incapable of being mean like other people are and no matter how good or nice I am to people, they find it super easy to be absolute shit to me.
As persecutory as it sounds, I’m going to go have a 2007 Britney moment one day and just start filming people being shit. Might even shave my hair too. Maybe if I have a full-on breakdown everyone will get it, no I’m joking I don’t have time for that right now.
It’s no secret that I suffer from mental health issues. Ones that can often cause similarly big problems in my personal relationships. However, I am aware of my issues and that they can sometimes come between reality and fiction. This was the first realisation I had which helped me to try and deal healthily when symptoms arise.
My first serious relationship sparked something in me which I had to fight tirelessly to get rid of. During this seven-year relationship, I started out as a really happy and trusting person. By the end of it, I was the asshole.
Some people know how to bring the worst out in a person. Granted I was very young when our relationship started, I didn’t get to fully understand who I was. I did know that I was the type of person who would never hurt a fly, I couldn’t fight to save my life and I was always laughing hysterically at funny things.
My biggest weakness was trusting people to savour my wishes, as I did theirs. Boy, did I get my heart broken. I know your teenage years are for heartbreak, but I don’t think at fifteen you need to worry about a boyfriend being addicted to porn and having his ego stroked by anyone who would stroke it.
Okay, maybe the last part, but definitely not the porn part.
Throughout this young relationship, yours truly was what I’d call nowadays, a dumb bitch. Why I convinced myself this was a great person to be with or that somehow things would get better is beside me. I ended up anxiety-ridden, controlling, impatient and nasty. Before you tell me that that is just my personality and he brought it out, carry on reading…
We fought constantly about everything because no matter my approach, I was always met with a blank face and a mute tongue. Almost as if it were done purposefully, even if I was crying my heart out and begging for an answer. If there was ever an answer, it was something like, “I just don’t care anymore.” My reaction would always be the same, “anymore?” Like when did you first care?
This all brought on extreme anxiety because I knew that it didn’t matter what I said. He would always be right because I was either being ‘unnecessary’ or ‘crazy’ according to him. I was always the cause of the same drama because I just wanted to sort what was wrong out, but I was speaking to a wall all the time.
Eventually, I became extra impatient from never getting an answer and would try and say things that I thought would get any reaction out of him. So now I was anxious, impatient and a mean person. I became controlling when he started acting weird about his phone and then one day he had two phones…
On each phone he had an array of other girls he was speaking to, telling them how beautiful they were and exchanging images. On his other phone was his ex-girlfriend and him chatting it up like they were still dating. This ex whom he apparently disliked a lot because she cheated on him.
Then there was Facebook and Twitter with conversations between girls and him about how they missed each other and wished they could be together. So as you can imagine, I as his actual girlfriend didn’t enjoy any of this and felt pretty betrayed. You think I left him hey? Nope, that’s why I consider my old self a dumb bitch.
I was a mess from all of this, which continued to happen until about three years into our relationship. After that, I decided I didn’t care what he did behind my back anymore because I was tired of the hurt.
After a long and shitty seven years, I said goodbye to my dumb self and him.
During this time I met someone that helped remind me of the girl I once was. I started feeling happier again, less anxious about relationships and I started believing in trust again.
While I do struggle with mental health still, I am better at finding ways to cope with it. I can focus on myself and my relationship, not just my relationship in fear of being cheated on. My partner has reminded me that I should be respected as a woman and that I’m not just an object for male gratification. I’m allowed to be myself and am confident in my abilities due to my partner encouraging me.
So when people say that they changed because of a relationship, they aren’t lying. There are people out there that are just not a good fit for you and these people can sometimes make you believe that they aren’t toxic, but they will show their true self eventually.
I’m sure he feels the same way about me, he never could admit to being wrong. It was always expected of me to admit to being wrong to stop the tension so we could be ‘normal’ again.
You can and will return to ‘normal’ when the person leaves. It takes a while to remember who you are and what you liked before, but with time it comes back. I’m more chilled than I’ve ever been before, I couldn’t care less to control anyone and I die if I say something that sounds remotely mean to my partner.
We are facing a crisis on a massive scale. Earth is being destroyed by the minute, and we are the ones destroying it. If we don’t start doing something now, it’s going to be too late.
How are we doing this? Well, we live on an overpopulated planet. Overpopulation increases the need for more natural resources. These natural resources are turned into food, fuel as well as raw materials for production of goods.
Each year, the demand for beef, poultry and pork increases, this increase in demand for meat for human consumption requires ever increasing amounts of livestock farms. More livestock farms needed means more land to farm on is needed, and how do you obtain that land? By chopping down trees, otherwise known as deforestation. More than 50 billion land animals are raised and slaughtered each year. Let that sink in for a moment, more than 50 BILLION each year. That’s almost 7 times the human population! So what effect does this mass farming have on Earth? The answer is a simple, climate change.
Mass farming for mass consumption, for a growing population, contributes to climate change otherwise known as Global Warming. A rise in temperatures, unusual weather activity, cyclones, you name it, are all part of Global Warming.
So get to the point right? Deforestation for animal agriculture releases 2.8 billion tonnes of carbon dioxide a year. You see forests suck up the carbon dioxide released into the atmosphere also called carbon sequestration, in other words the less trees we have, the more screwed we are. When we have to make way for mass farming because of overpopulation due to the increased demand for meat, we clear away these precious green filters.
Now we get back to those 50 billion land animals that are farmed. Their poop contributes to 35-40% of methane emissions, methane being 23 times more harmful to the environment than carbon dioxide. Not to mention all the other diseases spread due to the poor conditions these animals are kept in. These diseases spread to humans causing epidemics across the globe.
These are only 2 of the negative effects that mass farming has on the environment and how it is one of the biggest contributing factors to climate change. Besides climate change it also contributes to species extinction, habitat destruction and ocean dead zones (fish farms and overfishing to support the increased demand for seafoods).
You don’t need to be vegan or vegetarian to help fight this climate crisis. Cutting down on your meat intake can help significantly. Think about it, there are 7.7 billion humans on Earth. If each person cut their meat consumption down by just 10% (that’s pretty bloody small if you think about the scale of destruction you’d be saving the entire planet and all of it’s inhabitants) there would be a significant decrease in the need for mass farming.
Action needs to be taken now, or generations to come are going to face a very grim future.
For a long while music wasn’t all that important to my survival. As I’ve grown older I’ve realised why so many people are so passionate about music. It can change, heal, uplift, unite and so much more.
I went from listening to music only every now and then to almost every day. With my mental health issues I tend to find myself feeling isolated and paranoid when I don’t have people around me. I start overthinking and end up hurting my own feelings. Music helps through this every time. If I’m not listening to bangers then I’m probably sleeping.
Now comes the best part; the many different genres!
A lot of people tend to lean more towards a handful of genres. I can’t. I love the different cultures that go along with the music, but I’ve never been able to enjoy only a few genres. It makes it difficult to answer the question, “so what music do you like?” Because Fam, I love ALL music. From Classic to Metal to Rap (both old and new!)
If it makes me feel something positive then I like it, even if it’s hella corny and I’m not even afraid to admit that. Obviously I do have music that I enjoy listening to more and then there’s the music I enjoy when I need to be sad or angry. Because you know, murder is illegal…
Music is such a powerful form of communication and I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a need. First World problems, I know.
I decided to create a playlist called “Song of the day.” Each day I listen to music and when I find a song that I just want to play on repeat, I add it to the playlist (it’s one of the criteria for making it on the list.)
Here is that list so far, I thought I might share it with ya’ll:
Always by Blink-182
Mercy Me by Alkaline Trio
MakeDamnSure by Taking Back Sunday
Cooler as Ekke by Jack Parow
American Jesus by Bad Religion
Engel by Karen Zoid
Komma by Fokofpolisiekar
Ex-Girlfriend by No Doubt
Crimewave by Crystal Castles
Swing, Swing by The All-American Rejects
I hope you enjoy them as much as I do if you do decide to give them a listen!
gaslight/ˈɡaslʌɪt/ verb gerund or present participle: gaslighting
manipulate (someone) by psychological means into doubting their own sanity.
When going through a shitty time in life we often believe that what we are experiencing we both deserve and that it’ll never come to an end. Know that this isn’t the case and that eventually there are only 2 choices. Allow it to consume you until it’s taken over every fibre of your being OR you could realise that the only way to get out of the rut (as cliché as this is going to sound) is to stand up, brush the misery off and show life the middle finger.
So here I am to tell you to change your mindset for the
better as well as share a few tips and my story on how and why I decided to
just chill the fuck out and accept shit for what it is.
I want to start from the beginning of my shitty time, but I
feel like I might start repeating myself on my blog. Please forgive me, but I
feel like starting from the beginning is the best so you get a better insight
into the issues I had and how they finally pushed me to be the person I am
right now as I write this post.
Let’s start at my first serious relationship, the best time
of my life for like the first 2.5 years then it was just shit after shit after
shit. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying it was all my ex, there was a lot of
crazy shit from both sides and we both did an excellent job at fucking our
relationship up. However, I don’t think that causing constant anxiety in an
already fragile partner is the nicest thing to do to “the person you love”, but
hey I’m not a psychologist I wouldn’t know (I’m being so very sarcastic here.) The
anxiety was caused every November/December and so during these months, I’d
basically lose my marbles because I knew the breakup message was coming.
Imagine that, you leave your partner of like 2 years over WhatsApp because you
can’t do it to their face, pathetic. (I’d been broken up with all of 3 times,
one time resulting in me attempting suicide and going on a bit of a bender.)
Then came all the bullshit lies and all the gaslighting,
imagine telling someone how you feel and they tell you that you’re crazy and
need help. It is by far the worst feeling in the world to tell someone you
thought loved you that there’s an issue and you’re completely shut down with
manipulation that ends up being so bad you question EVERYTHING because you’ve
become so uncertain of yourself. Ya, not for me hey. There is one thing I am
extremely against and that is invalidating someone’s feelings because you can’t
handle being blamed for the issue. That is also called emotional immaturity.
I changed as a person completely. I remember being a super
nice and sweet girl who was always laughing and always trusting. Safe to say I
became a monster. A jealous, moody and extremely controlling monster. Just so you’re
aware, you can most certainly become controlling if you are constantly exposed
to shit that makes you insecure and question yourself. My favourite memory was
one night out at a bar, I was with my ex and some friends. Sitting on the deck
having a chat, I glance over to find my ex basically inside some random girls
face, her arms wrapped around his neck whispering in his ear. I said nothing
and sort of just stood around waiting and hoping someone would break away from
their bubble to notice my existence. I stood there for 30 minutes and eventually
left with my friends because it didn’t happen.
Then there was the family situation, God that was a fucking
disaster. If you think your parents-in-law hate you, think again. Imagine being
ganged up on all the time and never being allowed to speak openly and freely in
fear that someone snaps back at you with a shitty personal comment. Now try to speak
to your partner about it, and your partner tells you that once again it’s not
them, it’s you. By now it has to be you, you’re always being told that you are
the problem and no-one else. It simply cannot be anyone else, but you.
Being with a person who constantly thinks everyone is
against them and their family is so draining. 90% of your relationship is spent
fighting about your feelings because you’d really just like them to be fucking
validated and they never are. The best is when they turn it around on you and
repeat everything you say, but just change the victim to themselves.
You stay because you always hope it’s going to get better
and then it just doesn’t, it gets worse because you eventually change so much
and become so emotionless that you aren’t even a person anymore. God forbid you
tell them this (make sure you’re wearing full body armour.) Sometimes people
just enjoy being shit and have been told their whole lives by family and
friends, who are equally as shit, that they are the bee’s knees. This is so
damaging to both the person and the people they interact with along the way.
Eventually, you’re left with nothing, you aren’t a person
anymore because you aren’t allowed to be. You aren’t allowed to feel, complain,
suggest, interpret or any of those human things. You should either just be like
your partner or shut your mouth. Now you see I have an issue with that because
we are all humans and we are all allowed to feel when we need to feel, we are allowed
to be human.
I was told that I had caused a loss of independence and that
I was controlling, 2 very shit things to do to another human. My anxiety had
gotten so out of control that I assumed controlling every situation would
somehow fix the bullshit that was my relationship. It does not so don’t try it,
it makes you fucking miserable. Also, anyone that causes you so much anxiety
and misery don’t deserve any part of you. I knew I wasn’t the girl I had
become, I knew I deserved so much more and I knew the shit that was being
spewed by both my ex and his family was not a reflection of me, but of them.
After a long time of shit, I left. Please for the love of God leave if you are unhappy. You’d be so surprised at all the awesome shit you get to experience, all the amazing people you were missing out on and the person waiting out there to love YOU! It’s going to suck, you basically have to cleanse yourself of your wasted life, relearn things and most importantly relearn who you are. I was quite bitter for a long time because I was manipulated so badly about my choice to leave, to love again and to just be a new and better version of myself. Not knowing that my ex was seeing someone else as soon as I had moved my shit out of the house. Baby girl/boy/neutral don’t let yourself be manipulated like that, don’t allow someone to invalidate you and then try to make you out to be the big bad wolf. After the breakup, that’s when the true colours really shine through. You know this person for so long and you think you know them like the back of your hand and it actually turns out that they’re kind of shitty.
So long story over, here’s what I did and continue to do:
Ignore the haters (your ex, their friends, the new partner and family)
Remind yourself how fucking amazing you are and how you deserve the best of everything because you’re the best!
Don’t be afraid to feel the feelings you’re feeling. There will be days when you remember the good times and you miss them (lol don’t it’s a trap) there will be days when you hate them so much that the anger you feel towards them basically makes you vibrate. No matter what the feeling is, feel it and then move on.
Block them and their shitty new partner (in my case she waited around for us to break up which shows what type of person she is and what type of person he is that he was so amped about this.), their friends, their family. Even their dog if you must
You don’t have to do this one, but I did. Delete ALL them memories, all the photos and all the crappy “I love you” texts. I literally went through all of my electronics that could store messages, emails and photos and I deleted everything as if it had never existed.
Surround yourself with your people. Those people that make you forget the sadness and regret, who give you good advice and make sure you don’t make the same mistake twice.
Do the things you used to love doing before again. Draw, sing, eat, whatever you loved doing before the relationship.
Be open to the idea that someone else can and will love you so much better.
As fun as it might be, don’t stalk anyone on social media. You’re actually just harming yourself and your recovery.
Tell them to fuck right off. It seems really mean, but it gives you the power back that they used to have on you.
I did these things and sometimes still do if I ever remember
something from that part of my life. After realizing my worth and accepting
myself and my “recovery” I got lucky enough to meet someone who also sees my
worth and accepts me for who I am. I return the favour because I’d be an
absolute idiot to not appreciate, love and accept the beautiful person I got
sent.
Find someone who wants to live life with you, not sometimes
or when they have no-one else, but always.
Stay true to yourself darling and never let shitty people tear you down. You are a fucking diamond and you deserve to be polished, admired and kept safe xx
Hey again from me, Bee! So today I’d like to open up about my depression and how I deal with it daily. I’m sure anyone who reads my blog regularly is over having to read about depression, but it’s such a big thing and so widespread that I feel it should be spoken about often. You never know who you might save.
I’d say that my depression started when I hit puberty at the tender age of 11. Then it wasn’t as severe, I just cried a lot about things I didn’t understand and things that I had gone through that I now understood. I wasn’t very pretty while going through puberty so I was rejected a lot and told I was ugly so you can imagine that it didn’t help with what was already happening in my head (this is why you keep your mouth shut if you have nothing nice to say). Imagine being 13, depressed and just wanting acceptance from your peers and they tell you that you’re ugly and fat, lol it sucks.
When I was 15 I met someone that liked me and it was lovely finally being liked. We were together for quite a while, but unfortunately, he just didn’t understand my brain and didn’t know how to deal with my manic episodes or my overthinking and if you don’t have the support of your partner, it makes things a million times worse because now you have to face this completely alone. At this time I wasn’t on medication and I had no idea what was truly going on with my brain, I only knew I hated it and wanted it to be gone. I cried for no reason, I had panic attacks all the time, I was self-harming (my self-harming started when I was in grade 5 already) I’d go to bed super late and sleep until almost 2 pm each day.
So let me open up about what I assume brought this on. When I was 8 I had this best friend and I’d spend weekends at her place, my mom was under the pretence that my friends mom was home, however she would lie to my mom and go out with her friends and leave us at home with her father (my friends grandfather). I remember it starting as “accidents”, he would purposefully not wear underwear and expose himself to us and if I shouted out about what he was doing he would try shut me up and say it was an accident. I thought nothing of it, I was 8 and just assumed the best thing to do would be to avoid him and NEVER be alone with him. This didn’t work out unfortunately and it ended up with him molesting me while my friend was next to me. I’d move his hand away or I’d get up and leave because even though I wasn’t entirely sure what was happening, I knew I didn’t like it, but I also thought I’d get into trouble if I said anything. I was so afraid I’d be blamed for what he was doing that I just kept quiet. I was also older than my friend and I thought if he was doing this to me, he must be doing it to her too and so I always felt this strong need to protect her. She was teased a lot in school and so I was her big sister.
He would come into our room late at night and try and kiss me, I would push him away and hide my head under the blanket until he left the room. I remember laying next to my friend the one night when we were a little older, I asked her if he would touch her inappropriately and she just looked at me and turned on her side. For me that was confirmation enough that he was doing the same, if not worse to her. Especially when I wasn’t around. My mom had her maternal instincts and would always question me about my friend’s grandfather. She would always say I could be honest with her and I was still so ashamed and scared I’d be blamed that I would always say everything was fine and she shouldn’t worry. Obviously, my mom wasn’t dumb, but she believed me because I’d kick up a fight if I couldn’t go see my best friend. So she continued to let me go there until one day I came home complaining of a sore bladder (I started getting bladder infections all the time) and my mom quickly put a stop to me going there, even if I kicked up a fight.
When I turned 11 that’s when we got taught about sexual abuse in school and all of a sudden everything fell around me. I would cry myself to sleep at night, I felt so violated and dirty. As I got older, so the depression weighed down on me, I hated myself and my body, because it didn’t feel like it was mine anymore. I developed a weird view on sex and all things that go with it. Finally, when I turned 18, I sat in my mom’s car on the last day of my final exams and I poured my heart out to her about what had happened to me all those years ago. We cried extremely hard and then I was booked to see a psychologist to try and help me through my trauma. Back then I didn’t think it helped, but now I’m 22 and I can say that I am honestly over that trauma. I turned it into strength because I realised that I was giving my time and energy to some sick perverted fuck and I refused to allow any of it anymore. I stopped self-harming by 17 after I had a really bad episode and blacked out in my bathroom. After therapy I no longer cried about what had happened, instead, I embraced it enough to use it as a way to build myself up again.
I have only been on medication for about 5 months now for my depression that will unfortunately never go away, but with mindfulness and my medication, I feel as though I am slowly becoming the girl I remember. Also, a healthy relationship with friends, family and your partner are so vitally important for your mental health. If it no longer brings you joy, throw it out.
Thanks for taking the time to read through this long post. If you or anyone you know needs someone to speak to, please contact me, even if you’re from halfway around the world, having solid support can do the world of wonders. Stay sweet x
Hey there! I thought I’d share something unrelated to my political views on Feminism and mental illness this time around. I hope this ”guide” will be of help to a those wanting to go overseas to teach.
On 23/10/2016 at the tender age of just turned 20 the day before, I sat watching a giant plane being refueled out of the window of the restaurant in the airport of my tiny city in South Africa. I had never been out of my province before and there I was an hour away from boarding a plane to Hong Kong and eventually, Mainland China. Naturally, I was shitting my pants about this new adventure I was being faced with. But that metaphoric shitting in my pants was both from excitement and pure terror.
I was about to ascend 31000 feet into the air in a Bowing 737. All I could think was that this shit is dope and I wish I could be in an aeroplane all the time. Seriously planes are so much fun, sometimes I don’t understand people being afraid of flying. It’s like being on a bus, although while flying we flew over a tropic area and the storm that was at its peak made me say my goodbye’s. That turbulence was wack yo! However, don’t let that put you off. 90% of the flight is fun if you’re not sat in by other passengers or sitting in the aisle seat near the galley (kitchen on the plane) because the air hostess will fuck your shit up with her service trolley!
After a long 12 hour flight, I got to inhale the warm Hong Kong air and run around the airport like a headless chicken looking for the gate I needed to board. After finding it an hour later, I was officially on my way to the place I’d call home for the next 2 years. The flight from Hong Kong to Chengdu was at night and by now I just wanted to take a hot bubble bath and get into bed. I had just traveled for an ENTIRE day, I was scared, tired and broken. Oh by the way jet lag is just the worst thing and mine lasted almost a month, whenever I walked I felt as though I was going down an elevator. Also, I couldn’t keep my eyes open and fell asleep everywhere all the time. Fun times I know, but after the lag passed everything was pretty bomb.
After a few days in Chengdu, my boss drove us to our new city, Mianyang! In mandarin that means sheep. I was then taken to the school I’d be teaching at to do my ”demo” lesson in front of a bunch of teachers and the director of the school. I was terrified and completely messed my demo up, but obviously, they saw something and hired me, which was the biggest relief because I didn’t want the stress of being watched again! After the demo, I went for Hot Pot. I’d never seen or heard of such a thing before so I was quite surprised when I saw a table with this huge saucepan built into the middle of it, with a smaller one in the middle of that one. They filled it with chili-infused broth and the smaller one with vegetable broth. I straight up refused to eat meat in China, just because it always looked dodgy. I decided to become a veggie and continued on that path for a while. That is until I came on holiday to South Africa and indulged in things I had been deprived for 2 years.
Hong Kong
When I had just gotten to my new apartment there was no internet and so I couldn’t even contact any of my family which made things crap because after all, I was only 20 and had never traveled this far from home before. I cried like a baby for my mom and went into a deep depression for almost 6 months. However, once the apartment was set up and internet installed, I strangely felt at home (also I didn’t travel alone, which makes all of this so much easier). Once the apartment and internet were sorted, I had to get a medical done, which you don’t want to do while you’re sad and jet lagged. Then I had to register my existence at the local police. When all of this is done, ayeee you’re A for away.
That is a basic summary of what can happen when you go overseas, usually the language barrier, culture shock and random food you don’t understand can cause some anxiety and quite a bit of depression (I suffer from depression so I’m always depressed, you probably won’t need to worry about being depressed).
Here’s a small list of things I suggest taking with you until you get the hang of things:
Flu medication (you will get a super strain of flu that might make you wish you had died instead)
Lotion & Good Conditioner (the water dries everything out and you need to moisturize yo)
Deodorant (it can be hells to the difficult trying to find deodorant, especially if you’re in a smaller city. Places like Walmart and Watsons have deodorant, but not roll-on)
A years supply of any medications you are on as it’s so difficult to get Western medication in Asia (you can also attempt having it sent over to you by a family member or friend, make sure you bring a letter from your doctor with you)
Comfortable walking shoes, because and I cannot express this enough, you’re going to be walking a lot!
A sense of adventure because it’s really fun once you get into the hang of being in a whole new place with a whole new job and an entirely new life.
For a long while, I was rather against Feminism. I was against it because whenever I would go on YouTube, there would be another video made with these angry screaming women in it and one lady talking about how an air-conditioner is sexist. Yeah, so I get why there are many people still against it, however, we should be hells to the grateful, considering you wouldn’t be able to vote, choose to be on contraception, have safe abortions and so much more if it weren’t for Feminists.
I do believe that there are different kinds of Feminists and I do strongly believe that some people take it to the extreme, but that just seems to be human nature. I definitely don’t enjoy telling men they are trash, because I do agree that not ALL men are trash, but a lot are trash and its tragic. Being an angry man-hating woman isn’t going to get you all that far, I feel like it jeopardises the work done by women from the past and the work being done by the women of today. Instead of people acknowledging the purpose of this cause, they make memes about how angry we all are. So you’ve taken something good and just kind of ruined it for those who aren’t that way.
I’ve spoken to women who refuse to be Feminists or associated with Feminism due to the stigma attached that we all hate men and want to fight with everyone about our vagina. Sometimes I laugh at this because so many people are uninformed about Feminism and believe or base their views on stupid media bullshit they saw on the internet. I’m not trying to recruit new Feminists, everyone is allowed to believe in whatever they want. This is more just my personal feelings towards Feminism and how it’s helped me.
Feminism has taught me to embrace my sexuality, uplift other women instead of putting them down, accept my body the way it is, acknowledge my rights as not just a woman, but a bloody human being and most importantly its taught me that I don’t have to conform to gender stereotypes. I don’t have to have kids, I can focus on my career and my life. This may not be for everyone and that is totally okay, no judgment from me in this regard I just want Feminism to be taken seriously because like I’ve stated, there is a lot of hate and there shouldn’t be any because this is about humans who want the freedom to make their own choices regarding their body as well as being treated as an equal. If you put genitalia and physical strength aside, we are both human and are therefore both just as deserving of equality as the other.
There is a definite attack on women by the people in power in so many countries. America is the biggest attacker of its female population. Banning abortion and sentencing the mother to jail for “killing” a fetus now that is WACK. Sorry, off you go to jail because you decide to terminate a pregnancy for whatever reason, it doesn’t matter as it has nothing to do with us what you do or don’t do to your body, but it bugs us Right Wingers so we’re going to make it impossible and give you some jail time if you have an abortion. Basically, we’re telling you we don’t care about you as a human being only the group of cells that hasn’t even developed close enough to remotely look like a baby. This is why we need Feminism, things like the abortion ban can happen at any time in any country and that’s when we have to stand together and voice our opinion in hopes that someone will for once listen.
My favourite is the people standing around shouting things like, “it’s still a life”, “the man also helped make the kid”, and ”there are so many people who can’t conceive naturally and here you are aborting”. Tell me, have you checked in lately at your local Children’s Home? I bet you haven’t and that’s usually because humans are selfish and even though there are hundreds of thousands of children who are starving to death, don’t have a home or their birth parents beat them, we’d rather have our own. I’m not saying no one should have children, I’m only saying don’t use infertility as an excuse to tell women what to do. Just because Jesus or whoever said be fruitful and multiply doesn’t mean we as women are here to be incubators without a choice.
I’m so grateful that I, as a South African woman can go have an abortion safely, I can be on contraception which I can either buy myself or I can get it from a State hospital for free. When it’s election time I can go on down to my nearest voting station and vote, I can get my license and drive a car, I can get divorced if I want, I can have a career, I don’t need to be escorted by a male everywhere that I go (however with the rape statistics in South Africa, I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing). These are just a few examples that I can think of off the top of my head.
Remember women are extraordinarily fierce, we can endure extreme pain, we are capable of putting up quite a fight as well as nurturing the hell out of anything and everything. We, I feel are two extremes. We can be so soft, that we might just fall apart, but we are also mighty powerful and can strike down with brutal force. We may not have the physical strength of men, but we scare them because as weak as they think we are, given enough power we could take over the world and I believe that one day we will be given what is owed to us, equality.
I Blame the Internet 